Tim's Tech Tips

Click "read more" to see the whole thing.

Question:

Dearest Timmeh:

 

Every time I start my computer it catches fire. Then silver haired monkeys jump out and travel back in time and try to abort my great-grandfather while my great-grandmother is making coon skin hats for my uncles.
As of yet they haven’t succeeded, obviously because I am writing you this email. But I’m concerned that the next time I check my facebook page I’ll cease to exist. I think that’s how time works.

Please help,

Mr Pantsface

Response:

My Dear Mr. Pantsface,

Unfortunately, that's not how Facebook works. Since the internet exists outside of normal space/time and thus allows you to travel back in time (see: waybackmachine.com), it obviously does not work both ways. You will not be able to tell if you exist simply by checking your Facebook page. Instead, I recommend photographing yourself.
However, since a photograph of you would obviously disappear, this in itself would not be of much use. Contrary to popular belief, one would not simply disappear from the photograph, but the photograph itself would disappear! (After all, if you never existed, what would have been the point of taking the photograph?)
In order to subvert this paradox, one must instead take a photograph of one self, and then carry around a photograph OF that photograph.
If the photograph in your photograph disappears, then you can be sure that you do not exist. This is highly preferable to the photograph itself disappearing, which is often mistaken for being lost, and the individual never knows for sure whether they exist or not!
If you do find that you've disappeared, please send me an e-mail to let me know, so that I can assist you in untangling the space-time inversion which would surely result from that very same e-mail.

Thank you for contacting Tim's Tech Tips, and have a terrific day!